moparstuart
Well-Known Member
> DIFFERENT
> WAYS OF
> LOOKING AT THINGS
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> A little boy went up to his father and asked:
> 'Dad, where
> did
> my intelligence come from?'
>
> The father replied. 'Well, son, you must
> have got it from your
> mother, cause I still have
> mine.'
> ---------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
> 'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case
> very carefully,' the
> divorce court Judge said, 'And I've
> decided to give your wife
> $775 a week,'
>
> 'That's very fair, your honor,'
> the husband said. 'And every now
> and
> then
> I'll try to send her a few bucks
> myself.'
> ---------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
> A doctor examining a woman who had been
> rushed to the Emergency
> Room, took the husband aside, and said,
> 'I don't like the looks
> of your
> wife
> at all.'
>
> 'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
>
> 'But she's a great cook and really
> good with the kids.'
> -----------------------------------
>
>
>
> An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if
> he can remove a curse
> he has been living with for the last 40
> years.
>
> The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will
> have to tell me the exact
> words that were used to put the curse on
> you.'
>
> The old man says without hesitation, 'I
> now pronounce you man and
> wife.'
> -----------------------------------
>
>
>
> Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A
> Redneck Murder:
>
> 1. The DNA all matches.
>
> 2. There are no dental
> records.
> -----------------------------------
>
> A
> blonde
> calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you
> tell me how long it'll
> take to fly from San Francisco to
> New York City
> ?'
>
> The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
>
> 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and
> hangs up.
> -----------------------------------
>
>
>
> Two Mexican detectives were investigating the
> murder of Juan
> Gonzalez..
>
> 'How was he killed?' asked one
> detective.
>
> 'With a golf gun,' the other
> detective replied.
>
> 'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
>
> 'I don't know. But it sure made a
> hole in Juan.'
> -----------------------------------
>
>
>
> Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in
> religion.'
>
> Joe: 'Really?'
>
> Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I
> didn't believe in Hell.'
>
> -----------------------------------
>
>
>
> A man is recovering from surgery when the
> surgical nurse appears
> and asks him how he is feeling.
>
> 'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the
> four letter-words the doctor
> used in surgery,' he answered.
>
> 'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
>
> 'Oops!'
> -----------------------------------
>
>
>
> While shopping for vacation clothes, my
> husband and I
> passed
> a display of bathing suits. It had been
> at least ten years and twenty pounds since I
> had
>
> even considered buying a bathing suit,
> so
> I
> sought
> my husband's advice.
>
> 'What do you think?' I asked.
> 'Should I get a bikini or an
> all-in-one?'
>
> 'Better get a bikini,' he replied.
> 'You'd never get it all in
> one.'
>
> He's still in intensive
> care.
> -----------------------------------
>
>
>
>
>
> And,
> my
> favorite is:
>
>
>
> The
> graveside service just barely finished, when
> there was massive
> clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous
> bolt of lightning,
> accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in
> the distance.
>
> The
> little old man looked at the pastor and
> calmly said, 'Well, she's
> there.
>
>
>
>
> WAYS OF
> LOOKING AT THINGS
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> A little boy went up to his father and asked:
> 'Dad, where
> did
> my intelligence come from?'
>
> The father replied. 'Well, son, you must
> have got it from your
> mother, cause I still have
> mine.'
> ---------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
> 'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case
> very carefully,' the
> divorce court Judge said, 'And I've
> decided to give your wife
> $775 a week,'
>
> 'That's very fair, your honor,'
> the husband said. 'And every now
> and
> then
> I'll try to send her a few bucks
> myself.'
> ---------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
> A doctor examining a woman who had been
> rushed to the Emergency
> Room, took the husband aside, and said,
> 'I don't like the looks
> of your
> wife
> at all.'
>
> 'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
>
> 'But she's a great cook and really
> good with the kids.'
> -----------------------------------
>
>
>
> An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if
> he can remove a curse
> he has been living with for the last 40
> years.
>
> The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will
> have to tell me the exact
> words that were used to put the curse on
> you.'
>
> The old man says without hesitation, 'I
> now pronounce you man and
> wife.'
> -----------------------------------
>
>
>
> Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A
> Redneck Murder:
>
> 1. The DNA all matches.
>
> 2. There are no dental
> records.
> -----------------------------------
>
> A
> blonde
> calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you
> tell me how long it'll
> take to fly from San Francisco to
> New York City
> ?'
>
> The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
>
> 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and
> hangs up.
> -----------------------------------
>
>
>
> Two Mexican detectives were investigating the
> murder of Juan
> Gonzalez..
>
> 'How was he killed?' asked one
> detective.
>
> 'With a golf gun,' the other
> detective replied.
>
> 'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
>
> 'I don't know. But it sure made a
> hole in Juan.'
> -----------------------------------
>
>
>
> Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in
> religion.'
>
> Joe: 'Really?'
>
> Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I
> didn't believe in Hell.'
>
> -----------------------------------
>
>
>
> A man is recovering from surgery when the
> surgical nurse appears
> and asks him how he is feeling.
>
> 'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the
> four letter-words the doctor
> used in surgery,' he answered.
>
> 'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
>
> 'Oops!'
> -----------------------------------
>
>
>
> While shopping for vacation clothes, my
> husband and I
> passed
> a display of bathing suits. It had been
> at least ten years and twenty pounds since I
> had
>
> even considered buying a bathing suit,
> so
> I
> sought
> my husband's advice.
>
> 'What do you think?' I asked.
> 'Should I get a bikini or an
> all-in-one?'
>
> 'Better get a bikini,' he replied.
> 'You'd never get it all in
> one.'
>
> He's still in intensive
> care.
> -----------------------------------
>
>
>
>
>
> And,
> my
> favorite is:
>
>
>
> The
> graveside service just barely finished, when
> there was massive
> clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous
> bolt of lightning,
> accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in
> the distance.
>
> The
> little old man looked at the pastor and
> calmly said, 'Well, she's
> there.
>
>
>
>
