Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle
of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I
knew I made it home OK!
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a
sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold
auditions for her part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could
spell disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own
fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or
"foreplay" as she likes to call it.
I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I
got downstairs and found the wife face down on the
kitchen
floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do.
Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.
Bought the missus a
hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the
fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The
other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.
I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she
screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me
to stay!"
A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was
like the Men's Olympic 100 meter final. I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?"
"No," she said, "Eight black men and a
gun."
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to
this country so that they can see their own doctor.
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the
wife
look like she's moving during sex.
of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I
knew I made it home OK!
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a
sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold
auditions for her part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could
spell disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own
fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or
"foreplay" as she likes to call it.
I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I
got downstairs and found the wife face down on the
kitchen
floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do.
Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.
Bought the missus a
hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the
fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The
other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.
I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she
screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me
to stay!"
A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was
like the Men's Olympic 100 meter final. I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?"
"No," she said, "Eight black men and a
gun."
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to
this country so that they can see their own doctor.
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the
wife
look like she's moving during sex.
