Three AM this morning the house alarm starts blaring. Of course my first reaction was to grab the side by side shotgun (double barrel) and run out on the deck and fire off two blasts, as I understand that’s the accepted course of action during a home invasion. Then I’m in a quandary as I don’t know which one to choose, the 12-gauge, 16-gauge, 20-gauge or the 410. I quickly rule out the 410 as the last time I went squirrel hunting with it, the squirrels were laughing and throwing the BB’s back at me. (not really – the throwing the BB’s back part, but pretty sure they were laughing) As I start to wake further and I quickly discount the whole idea as it sounds about as stupid as injecting yourself with Clorox to fight the virus, which no one really said anyway but some actually thought this is what someone said. Plus, with the shotgun thing I might hit Shane’s (my dog) fox buddy who pretty much lives in our backyard, which would really piss him off. Or worse, manage to get myself arrested. But I do have a bottle of bathroom cleaner with bleach that comes with a pistol grip. If I put the nozzle on “stream” it just might work, but then again as I continue to wake a little more, I figure, nah, if necessary I’ll just grab the semi 40cal S&W in the nightstand drawer. Break into my house at 3AM: "Hoss, you better get you some corks cause you're gonna have to plug up a few holes" Hank Williams, Jr. Meanwhile, Shane is in his bed next to mine and is looking up at me as if saying: “Will you shut that F’in thing off please, I’m trying to get some sleep here". The dam dog will bark at you for food but if an intruder comes into the house he says: “You take care of it man, I’m sleeping”. Finally, I rise and check the keypad on the alarm to see which zone has been breached, which I wouldn’t know which anyway because first I can barely see the keypad, the print is to small, and I don’t know what zone is assigned what number. After a few more seconds my eyes adjust and I can squint enough to see that it’s not a break in after all, the battery in the smoke detector is low. Why does this always seem to happen at some ridicules hour in the early morning! I know what you’re thinking, why don’t you just change them once a year dummy! But really now, who does this? Plus, they were “low” not dead. I got enough things on my mind and besides these batteries have been in the device for 3-years, I did jot down the date I last changed them. Think of all that wasted energy. “Must have been a good day, I didn’t have to use my AK” Ice Cube But I don’t own one anyway, it’s not legal to do so.