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YOU WANT TO RETIRE WHERE?

ACME A12

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I think that this joke or something like it was posted a couple of years ago...but it was some time ago so I'll throw it up here...


YOU WANT TO RETIRE WHERE?

Here are your choices:

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: Tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU FRIGGIN' KIDDING ME!

OR perhaps……………
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The four seasons are Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.

OR maybe……
You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out at least one car horn, if you even own a car.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR how about………
You retire to Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything made of flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: Almost Winter, Winter, Still winter, It is still winter.

OR maybe head on down…..
To the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie, buy bait, and spit on the floor, in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

OR looking for some great outdoors……
You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail

OR how about centralizing….
You can retire to the South Dakota where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
6. The seasons are WINTER and ROAD CONSTRUCTION.


OR how about some REAL heat AND humidity….
You can retire to Florida where.
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind, even for houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction NEVER ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people that NEVER turn off their turn signals.


I can tell you that all of the Florida attributes are factual... :lol:

:jester:
 

69hemibeep

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:lol: :lol: :lol: That's is good, just throw anything up there to get a post ahead of me :lol: :lol:
 

69hemibeep

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george68hemirr said:
69hemibeep said:
:lol: :lol: :lol: That's is good, just throw anything up there to get a post ahead of me :lol: :lol:
ray will never catch up to you bob :D
Blabber fingers could bury me in a heart beat, we aren't going to throw crap up here just to run the count up so there is no race. Big would just reset the clock anyways :yesnod:
 

ACME A12

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69hemibeep said:
george68hemirr said:
69hemibeep said:
:lol: :lol: :lol: That's is good, just throw anything up there to get a post ahead of me :lol: :lol:
ray will never catch up to you bob :D
Blabber fingers could bury me in a heart beat, we aren't going to throw crap up here just to run the count up so there is no race. Big would just reset the clock anyways :yesnod:

George - he says we're not racing - but he sure didn't miss an opportunity to blast me for passing him... :lol:

:jester:
 
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